The unbearable absence of Bella

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This post is one I can’t believe I have to write. Today, our family said goodbye to Bella. We kissed this sweet face farewell, and life will never be the same.

Goodbye Bella

Goodnight, sweet pup.

We have been managing her kidney disease for over two years now, but – after a very difficult weekend – we had to face the reality that her condition had deteriorated rapidly in the past few days. It was time to let her go.

I don’t quite know what else to say. I find myself suffocated by her absence. Everywhere I look, I see where she is not. I’m not quite me without her.

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57 thoughts on “The unbearable absence of Bella”

  2. I am so sorry AJ. My heart aches for you and your husband. I wish that I had something better to say but I just can’t find the words.

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  4. My heart breaks for you and your family. Please know we will hold you close to our hearts as you heal. Run free, sweet Bella…
    -Corbin & his momma Jenn
    Corbin recently posted..A blog?

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  8. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of Bella. I hope it comforts you to know that she is free from discomfort now. I am glad you have so many wonderful photos and this blog to remember her by.

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  12. Oh, this is so heartbreaking and I am so very sorry for your loss. Bella’s sweet face on your header was the first thing that made me love your blog. I wish there were words to help you through this difficult time, please just know that so many of us are thinking of you and your family.
    Jan K; recently posted..Monday Mischief – I’ve Been Framed!

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  14. I wish there were words that could help with the pain. Bella was an amazing little soul that brought so much to us all. Know that I’m holding you in my heart and wishing you peace.

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  19. Oh, AJ, I’m so sorry to hear about your sweet Bella! My heart aches for you. There just aren’t any words that seem to be “right”. I lost my sweet Kissy to kidney and heart disease years ago so I, too, can relate to your pain. Sending you hugs and loving energy….
    Sue @ The Golden Life recently posted..Just Chilling Out

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  25. Your Bella has been such a sweet companion. I am so, so sorry for your loss but I find comfort in knowing that you have done the best for her in all things. Her life was one filled with love, joy, and the utmost care. She was lucky to have you, and you her. Big hugs to you and your household, AJ.

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  28. I am so sorry to hear this. Mom and I are shocked. I guess we didn’t realize she was ill. Run free sweet pup. Nothing we say can really help you in this terribly sad time.

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  31. We’re so sorry for your loss. There’s nothing that feels worse than having to make that decision. You gave her a wonderful life, and that’s the best thing you can remind yourself. Feel comfort in knowing that.

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  36. I am so sorry to hear about Bella. I understand about feeling suffocated – when I lost my Shadow to cancer a few years ago – I felt like I couldn’t breathe. You have my sympathy and my prayers as you bear this pain. You gave Bella a great life – hold onto those precious memories. Hugs…
    Blueberry’s human recently posted..Birds of Prey

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  40. I’ve never been lucky enough to meet you or Bella in person but I have been following her story from my very first encounter with pet blogging so many years ago. Her brilliant expressions and hilarious perspective has brought me a lot of happiness over the years. I am so so so sorry you had to say goodbye to such a special friend. Thank you for sharing a part of her with us. She will be greatly missed by all the lives she touched.
    Kristine recently posted..Dog Poetry Sunday – Emily Dickinson

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  42. So sorry for your loss! I know of that hole in the heart that you must feel. Wishing you peace and the joy of the memories Bella leaves you.

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  47. Poor Bella, it is so unfair. And such a difficult decision to make, you must be completely devastated. Keeping you in our thoughts, and wishing all the best in that difficult time laying ahead.

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  50. So sorry to hear that. I’ve been through it a bunch of times. My sweet kitty Sammy-Joe died last February after having cancer, and I felt like life would never feel normal again… because everywhere I looked just seemed painfully Sammy-less. I so know exactly what you mean by “Everywhere I look, I see where she is not.” You will feel normal again. It just might take a while. The only thing that helped me in the beginning each time was just to treat your sadness like the flu… lf you feel like crying, let yourself cry, even if it means hiding in the bathroom with the water running while you bawl into a towel. Sleep when you can, drink a lot of water, and just take care of yourself… and know that Bella is still with you, even if you can’t see her.
    – Trixie and Lily and Sammy’s mama.
    Trixie And Lily recently posted..We Threw Mama To The Wolves!

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  52. So very sorry to hear this sad news. So many people will have identified with that feeling of being completely loss and feeling your friend’s absence everywhere. Time will make it more bearable, but these early days and weeks are tough. It helped me to know that people understood and sympathised. I’ll be thinking of you and Bella.

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  57. I wish I had the capacity to respond to each comment individually right now, but I can’t quite find the words to do so. I truly appreciate each and every one, and I want you to know how much your support has meant to me these past few weeks. Thank you all so very, very much. <3

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