(Alternate post title? What to expect when you’re deflecting.) Stop me if you’ve heard this one… I’m not going to ask for a show of hands, but I have a feeling plenty of us have been… Adventures in Fur-tility: Pets as practice for children?
I’d be lying to you if I said that I knew what I wanted to write about for this edition of Blog the Change for Animals. However, I recently read a story that supplied the thesis* for today’s post. That thesis?
Don’t be an idiot.
(A secondary thesis? Don’t do things that make me roll my eyes. It makes my eyes hurt. I don’t like it when my eyes hurt.)
So, let’s get to it. The story that inspired today’s post sounds too stupid to be true. Our tale begins with the return of a dog named Misty to a high-kill shelter. Want to guess the reason? I bet you can’t.
Today, on the last day of the year, I’m taking the totally original approach of reflecting on 2013. I don’t see a lot of this out there, which I find surprising – I mean, you’d think it would be a natural fit. I can only hope that my trailblazing example will inspire more reflection in the future as one year passes the torch to the next.
Sarcasm duly noted? Good. Because I know every website on Earth (and perhaps Mars?) is doing the same thing… and I don’t care. Nostalgia is my absolute favorite kind of -algia, and I finally put down a deposit on a nice little bungalow on Memory Lane. (It just makes good financial sense.) Let the reflecting begin!In 2013, you wanted more puppies, more puns, and… more cats?
Okay, students. Professor Judge E. Dog is back today with another useful lesson. You may have friends or family members who seem stubbornly unwilling to shout their reproductive plans from the rooftops. When interrogated asked, they give “cute” answers such as “When we’re ready, we’ll let you know” or “I just want more puppies.”
I’m going to let you in on a little secret. There are countless articles out there advising people how to evade your questions and hide this important information. These devious masterminds have a host of skillful dodges at their disposal. What’s a Nosy Parker to do? It’s just not fair. You’re just embracing your inner Mary Worth. Where are the tips about the right way to ask this question? (Here. Those tips are here.)The right way to ask people when they plan to have kids
No.
*declares post complete, closes laptop, goes to the kitchen, eats a cookie in celebration of a job well done, eats a second cookie in celebration of how good that first cookie was, reconsiders answer, returns to computer*
Here’s the thing. The answer is really that simple… and yet, it’s not. All at the same time. Allow me to explain.
I don’t believe that “you” (in the broadest sense) have to choose between kids and dogs. I don’t think it’s a zero sum game. At the same time, do “you” (in the narrowest possible sense) have to choose between kids and dogs? I can’t answer that one. However, I have thoughts. Lots of them.Do you have to choose between having a dog and having kids?
Dear advertisers, marketers & others in charge of sounds on TV: During a recent episode of Modern Family, there were no less than four doorbells in a single half hour of television. In my house, that… Down with doorbells & beeping smoke detectors on TV!
Apparently, dogs do not come standard with a snooze button installed. I’m not even sure if that’s an available option in the upgrade package. In any event, if you know how to install an after-market snooze button on my dogs, you might be my hero. I tried to install my own. However, as you can see, the results were not encouraging:
Oh, well. Back to the drawing board.
Bonus points if you know the inspiration for this post title. If you do, we were so meant to be besties. (For double bonus points, do you know which TV show also referenced that movie recently? It’s a good show. Add it to your DVR.)
Anyway, back to the topic at hand. Today, I read a story that left my eye twitching with barely controlled rage. Prepare to experience a similar ocular fury… this story manages to hit multiple rage buttons at the same time.
(Before we dive in, I want to let you know that the story has a happy ending. That fact may keep your despair at bay, although it likely won’t dampen your anger.)
So, there’s this guy – let’s call him Moron – who thought he saw his male dog trying to hump another male dog. When confronted with this situation, what would you do?I love my dead gay dog
Please stand by… we’re experiencing technical difficulties due to the crazy storms on Friday night. You can’t ask for more fun than a power outage in a massive heat wave. No electricity and no air… Go crazy? Don’t mind if I do…
Today, we’re going with some vintage Bella from 2007 combined with a PSA from the pup herself. (She totally wrote this song.) Hot dog, summer in the city Whether a Beagle, Yorkie, or a Pitty.… A dog in a hot car’s just not right…
