Nic Cage’s Easter advice: Put the bunny idea back in the box

Blog the Change

Okay, users of the Internet… it’s time for some real talk. I know that Easter is right around the corner. Your head is filled with visions of adorable bunnies (or chicks and ducks, depending on what your particular brand of cute catnip is – the post below is applicable to all categories). You’re tempted to bring one home.

I get it. They’re cute. They’re cuddly. They win first prize every single year in the Cutest Way to Eat Lettuce Contest.

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As the proud aunt to several bunny nieces and nephews, I’m not immune to their charms. However, I’m going to give it to you straight. If you’re thinking of bringing home a baby bunny for Easter, stop.

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How much is that doggie falling out of the car window?

Once upon a time, I was not aware of the many options for restraining your dog in the car. In fact, the idea of getting a seatbelt or other restraint for Bella never even crossed my mind.

(Hey, back in the day people didn’t even use car seats for their kids. A friend’s mom once told me that she brought her infant son home from the hospital in a drawer. Like an actual drawer removed from a dresser. Strapped into a car. With a baby inside. It was a different time. I bet if you told people in the ’70s that the future would include seat belts for dogs, they’d have laughed you out of the room.)

Anyway, when I was a kid, we never restrained our dogs in the car. Our Chihuahua rode in my mom’s lap, while my Toy Fox Terrier rode with my sister and me in the backseat. Maybe on the seat itself, maybe on the floor… wherever she decided to nest. Sometimes our Chihuahua would even take a nap in the back window. I even remember taking a trip in my parents’ Datsun – the back seats were folded down, creating a giant playpen for me and one of our bigger dogs. (Needless to say, we were lucky that the years passed without incident.)

When we adopted Bella in 2002, it didn’t even occur to me to restrain her in the car. We took a few local trips, which went as well as possible considering that she managed to get carsick on all of them. Then, we piled into the car to go visit my parents. That’s when it all went downhill…

We were driving down the interstate in my oh-so-stylish Dodge Neon – a fetching gold color, no less – when the following scene ensued…

Bella in Window via wantmorepuppies.com

Bella decided that she really needed to see what was happening outside. Not only did she need to see it, but she needed to see it from the back window. So, our not-so-graceful pup decided to scale the backseat like a mountain range.

As she scrambled her way up the face of Mount Backseat, the humans in the car began to panic. We were barreling down the highway at sixty-five miles per hour while our new dog decided to perform her own stunts. Surely, this would not end well.

And it didn’t. After grabbing at the edge of the window as if she was Wile E. Coyote hanging on to a cliff, she eventually plummeted towards the back seat. Like so…

Bella proving the theory of gravity via wantmorepuppies.com

By this time, we’d managed to find a place to pull over and assess the damage. Luckily, no Bellas were harmed in the making of this anecdote (although my nerves were).

We purchased a canine seat belt shortly thereafter. (To learn more about securing your dog in the car, click here.)

So, tell me… have your dogs ever pulled any crazy stunts in the car?

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Top 10 reasons to ask your dog to be your Valentine

Valentine’s Day is almost here. Considering that it’s a day all about love, a lot of people don’t exactly love the holiday. In fact, some of you may be a bit anxious about it.

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Listen, my friend… there’s no need to fret. I’m going to let you in a on a little secret. Humans are fine and all, but they’re totally overrated.

The best Valentine is the canine kind. Seriously, canines are where it’s at. (To paraphrase my favorite fashionable movie, Valencanines are so hot this year.)

Still not convinced? That’s okay. I’ve got ten reasons that dogs make better Valentines than their human counterparts…  Continue reading

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You know you’re a crazy dog lady when…

Sometimes, I almost forget that I’m a crazy dog lady.

Almost.

Then, something happens that reminds me just how nutty I truly am. This past Friday, I received one of those reminders when I took Tavish to a new groomer. We had the first appointment of the day, so I got up early, tossed on a sweater, and loaded Tavish in the car. It was only after the groomer pointed it out that I realized there was a siimilarity between our respective ensembles.

Not Tavish the fox

Tavish the fox

 

That’s right. I inadvertently dressed like my dog. I went out in public that way.

I met new people who surely think I’m not quite right in the head, including Tavish’s new groomer. (Between the outfits and my overly detailed instructions, she probably made some sort of notation in our file.)

Crazy dog lady achievement unlocked. I’ve totally leveled up.

(Oh, and this experience has given me some insight into what the fox says. I think the fox would tell me to be thankful that Tavish is a dog – rather than a child – who doesn’t realize that he should be totally embarrassed to be seen in public with me.)

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Are dogs furry kids?

I (somewhat) recently read a piece from Smithsonian Magazine that posed the following question: Are Dogs Now Just Furry Kids? I figured it would be your typical article about how people spend a lot on their dogs, dress them up, and do crazy things like blog about them.

I was wrong.

Instead, it was all science-y and stuff. Researchers have found that the human-dog bond is in some ways very similar to a parent-child bond.

Now, I’m not one who considers myself a mom to my pups (I don’t really know what word I’d use), but I thought I’d do my own non-scientific analysis as to whether dogs are simply furry children. (Being an English major, my “scientific analysis” is really just an imaginary debate I had in my own head. Just roll with it, okay?)

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In 2013, you wanted more puppies, more puns, and… more cats?

Today, on the last day of the year, I’m taking the totally original approach of reflecting on 2013. I don’t see a lot of this out there, which I find surprising – I mean, you’d think it would be a natural fit. I can only hope that my trailblazing example will inspire more reflection in the future as one year passes the torch to the next.

Sarcasm duly noted? Good. Because I know every website on Earth (and perhaps Mars?) is doing the same thing… and I don’t care. Nostalgia is my absolute favorite kind of -algia, and I finally put down a deposit on a nice little bungalow on Memory Lane. (It just makes good financial sense.) Let the reflecting begin! Continue reading

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Forget the shutdown with a muttdown

So, as you probably know, the U.S. government is busy doing this:

In times like these, I think we can all use a little cute to get us through the day. (After all, clever memes about the Mean Girls of Capitol Hill – while genius – can only do so much.)  A world full of closed doors isn’t very much fun, after all.

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It feels a bit like we’re all on a really unpleasant merry-go-round.

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Not only that, the situation is pretty uncertain. Who knows what will happen next?

via giphy.com

With that in mind, I decided that a muttdown would be way better than any sort of shutdown. Let’s muttdown the shutdown! Who’s with me?

What exactly is a muttdown? Um… good question. I’m not quite sure, but If I had my way, we’d just replace the shutdown with bunch of puppies instead. Like this:

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Or this:

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Or maybe this:

via giphy.com

In any event, if you’re affected by the shutdown (or even if it’s just bumming you out), might I recommend that you find a furry face to snuggle? Shut down your anxiety over the shutdown (at least for a few minutes) with a muttdown. It’ll do you good.

(That’s it! Henceforth and forevermore, using puppies to shut down your anxiety shall be known as a muttdown. With dog as my witness, I’ll never stop trying to make muttdown happen. No matter what Regina George says.)

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The right way to ask people when they plan to have kids

Okay, students. Professor Judge E. Dog is back today with another useful lesson. You may have friends or family members who seem stubbornly unwilling to shout their reproductive plans from the rooftops. When interrogated asked, they give “cute” answers such as “When we’re ready, we’ll let you know” or “I just want more puppies.”

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. There are countless articles out there advising people how to evade your questions and hide this important information. These devious masterminds have a host of skillful dodges at their disposal. What’s a Nosy Parker to do? It’s just not fair. You’re just embracing your inner Mary Worth. Where are the tips about the right way to ask this question? (Here. Those tips are here.) Continue reading

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Follow-Up Friday: Hide your kids, hide your dogs edition

I’ve got something a little different for you today. Instead of my usual No Frown Friday, I’m changing things up a bit. (However, I may still have some linky goodness in store for you in the near future.)

This week, I have the pleasure of co-hosting Heart Like a Dog‘s Follow-Up Friday. It’s the blog hop that lets you wrap up your week and leads you right into the weekend.

Let’s get to it! We’ll start with some quick hits on my posts this week, and then end with the great comments I received about whether you have to choose between having a dog or having kids. That post led to quite a bit of discussion!

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Do you have to choose between having a dog and having kids?

No.

*declares post completecloses laptop, goes to the kitchen, eats a cookie in celebration of a job well done, eats a second cookie in celebration of how good that first cookie was, reconsiders answer, returns to computer*

Here’s the thing. The answer is really that simple… and yet, it’s not. All at the same time. Allow me to explain.

I don’t believe that “you” (in the broadest sense) have to choose between kids and dogs. I don’t think it’s a zero sum game. At the same time, do “you” (in the narrowest possible sense) have to choose between kids and dogs? I can’t answer that one. However, I have thoughts. Lots of them. Continue reading

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