Repeat after me: “Hello. May I pet your dog?”

I happen to be a Jezebel reader. I may not always agree, but they almost always get me thinking. Today’s post is inspired by one of those thinking moments.

Recently, Jezebel published a post about the Yellow Dog Project. (Have you heard of it? It’s a pretty neat concept – for dogs that need space, owners tie a yellow ribbon around the dog’s leash or collar to signal to others that they should not approach the dog without asking. It’s as if the dog is wearing a caution sign.)

The post was actually rather complimentary about the Yellow Dog Project, but there was something about it that kind of stuck in my craw.

(As an aside, what exactly is a craw? Do I actually have one or is it just a figure of speech? Sounds like I’ve found my next Google project.)

You may be wondering, what aspect of the Jezebel post is still lodged in my (metaphorical or literal) craw? I was slightly skeptical when I read the title: “You Should Probably Let People Know Not to Pet Your Cranky-Ass Dog.” I reserved judgment and continued reading, but then the craw-sticking began. (Don’t even read the comments if you have a fear of something ending up in your craw too. When will I learn to avoid the comments section of major sites? When?)

The post acknowledges that the Yellow Dog Project would be a useful way for responsible dog owners to signal to others that their dog should not be approached. (Jezebel focuses on “unfriendly” dogs, which I think oversimplifies things a bit and overlooks many of the reasons that a dog might need space. I digress, however.) It then goes on to assert that the yellow ribbon would not solve the problem posed by “delusional” or irresponsible dog owners who refuse to acknowledge that their dogs should be on a leash or do not do well when approached by strange people or dogs.

As an initial matter, I don’t think that it’s the responsibility of the Yellow Dog Project to address the “delusion” described by Jezebel (nor do I think that Jezebel is saying that it is). The project is designed to address a specific issue, giving those who are sensitive to the needs of their dogs a way to send a clear signal to the rest of the world.

However, I think that the Jezebel post missed an opportunity to talk about the responsibility of people not to approach dogs without asking first. The article does note that although we may want to run up and pet all the dogs, we can’t. Not all dogs welcome that sort of interaction. However, that’s the only statement about the responsibility of people to ask before approaching or attempting to pet a strange dog. Whether or not a dog is wearing a yellow ribbon, it’s not a good idea to approach someone else’s dog without permission. Hence, this post.

We’re all responsible in this situation. Dog owners should, of course, warn people if their dogs need space. Dog approachers have a responsibility as well. Even if you want to pet all the dogs, don’t. At least not without asking. Do you have kids? Teach them how to be safe around dogs. (The phrase “can I pet your dog?” is one I learned early and used often.)

This lesson is for other dog owners too. If you have a dog, don’t just approach another dog walker without making sure it’s okay. Jezebel is right – there are delusional and irresponsible dog owners out there. However, there are also lots of dog owners who know their dog’s limitations, and it’s wise to listen when they ask you to give them some breathing room.

So, let’s all take on a little personal responsibility (unless, of course, you’re aiming to be one of those highly irritating dog walkers I’ve mentioned before). I’ll tell you when to give my dog some space. In return, perhaps you should assume that my dog needs space unless you learn otherwise. Learn these five simple words and keep them in your back pocket: “May I pet your dog?” Your local dog-having community will thank you.

(Also, as an aside: I originally wrote “can” instead of “may,” but I couldn’t in good conscience advise you to ask if it was physically possible rather than asking if it would be permitted. You can take the girl out of the English major…)

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46 thoughts on “Repeat after me: “Hello. May I pet your dog?”

  1. Excellent post! It’s a source of never-ending frustration that people who are sworn pet lovers have no concept about the proper way to interact with a dog they don’t know. I’m sure the title of the article was meant to be provocative, but, like you, I find it irritating. I’d suggest: “Get You Head Out of Your @#$ and Learn How to Approach Dogs.”
    Amy@GoPetFriendly recently posted..Vote For Your Favorites In The Best City for Pet Travelers Tournament!

  2. Amen, sister! 🙂 As the person of a “yellow dog,” I can’t tell you how much better our lives would be if people simply asked if they could approach. It would give me a chance to politely say no. Instead, I come off as a rude jerk as I’m trying to cross the street while asking the person to get their dog/kid/hands off of him. Btw, I remind myself every day not to read the comments, but it’s sort of like the proverbial train wreck… You just can’t look away.
    Maggie recently posted..Positively Pit Bull: Meet Zeke, Bella, and Lucky!

    • It’s so true. I remember once we were at a family reunion in a park, and we had my dad’s dog Roscoe with us. Another dog walker asked if he could approach, and we said no because Roscoe was fairly dog reactive at that point. The man insisted on coming over anyway, admonishing my dad that “it’s usually the person that’s the problem” and “dogs like other dogs.” We kept trying to avoid but he basically forced the issue, Roscoe tried to bite the other dog, and it was a mess. All because he wouldn’t listen to us, and insisted that he knew our dog better than we did. Ridiculous.

  3. LOL! Still laughing over your last line. Thank goodness for your humor or I would have been livid. Based on your comments about the piece, I think I will avoid Jezebel today. It drives me crazy when people make generalizations about dogs when they have no knowledge or experience about (or with) them. Some dogs need more space than others. Some people do too. Does that make them unfriendly or “cranky-ass”? (Okay. Now I am getting mad again.)

    I like the Yellow Ribbon project, but have always thought it was a less than effective method for warning people. It only works if everyone knows what it means and most people don’t. I like the leashes and collars sold by Friendly Dog Collars. They actually tell people if a dog is friendly or not.

    If there is one thing people can do it is to teach their children to ask if they can pet your dog. I have always thanked those that have done so (positive reinforcement). I cannot tell you how many have tried to chase Daisy. Drove me crazy. Parents really need to teach their kids how ask before approaching a dog.
    melf recently posted..A Walk in the Woods (in Photos)

    • When I first read the post last week, I was definitely livid. I drafted it then and revisited it this week. The first draft was definitely more scathing!

      I did like the Jezebel commenter who asked if she could tie a yellow ribbon around herself so that people would leave her alone. She won the Internet that day.

      I agree with you on the fact that yellow ribbon is a great idea, but only works if people know what it signals. The Friendly Dog Collars are a great idea, for sure.

      Kids always come running at Tavish – I think because he’s so small they are not scared of him. Thank goodness he’s the friendliest guy on the block (when it comes to people, anyway) – the first few times I was freaking out. (My dogs can be dog reactive on occasion, but both seem to be fine with kids. I’ve also been lucky that most of the kids in my neighborhood are gentle and don’t try to maul them.)

    • Thanks for the tip about the collars, Mel – hadn’t seen those before.

      We use a red flag on Bella’s leash when she’s going to be out in public but no one pays attention to it. I’m starting to put my muscle behind the Yellow Dog Project just because it’s getting so much publicity. If it’s even featured on Jezebel, that’s kind of a big deal. The more people hear about it, the more effective it will be.

      As for the Jezebel article itself – I tell you what, Jezebel, how about I not warn you that my “cranky-ass” dog is going to bark and lunge at you and your kid and see how you feel about that? (Sorry, obviously I haven’t quite gotten my anger in check yet. 😉
      Leslie recently posted..Black & White Sunday: Meet the new nephew

      • I agree, Leslie. At least it’s starting to get some play in the major media outlets. I think that the Jezebel post links to an article in USA Today about it too.

  4. Great post – I just wish we could magically educate the public about asking permission. The next thing we have to teach folks is HOW to pet them – especially if you have a dog that’s not too crazy about strangers. So often in the process of getting to know them, they start petting the top of their head, which most dogs tolerate but don’t really enjoy. I had a guy I was introducing SD Jack to the other day actually grab him under his chin and the top of his head and start rubbing him – yes, like in a vise…big mistake buddy…dogs don’t like that!
    SlimDoggy recently posted..Tale of Tails: Maggie May – Part 3

    • I agree 100%. Maybe our schools should have lessons on approaching and interacting with dogs. It could be taught along with other safety measures, like looking both ways before you cross the street. (Obviously, parents should be teaching this stuff, but given how many adults are also clueless, that’s an uphill battle.)

  5. My younger dog is what I call a 50/50 dog. I’ve got a 50/50 chance he’s going to snark at a dog he doesn’t know well, usually a second or two after it looks like he’s going to be OK. I don’t like those odds, so I have just started telling people as they approach that he’s not friendly. I hate to give him a bad rep, but better safe than sorry. If the other person still forces the issue, then I offer them Wilson who is a great greeter.
    Taryn recently posted..Man’s Best Friend

    • My dogs are kind of the same way. They’re pretty great with most kids and people, but I never know which way they’ll go when it comes to another dog. I tend to err on the side of avoidance as well, especially when I have both of them with me. (Bella’s gotten crankier in her old age, and Tavish is always eager to join in when she’s getting worked up.)

  6. This reminds me of my frustrations I just wrote about when walking my beagle last weekend. We passed people with two dogs once….their loose dogs approached my leashed dog quickly, and my dog went nuts. They retreated. We passed them again, and only one of the people held onto their dog, when they knew how mine had been! AND I had yelled ahead and asked them to just hold their dogs while we went quickly by. Is it too much sometimes to just expect people to have common sense? I’m not sure a yellow ribbon would have even given these people a clue. So you are right….. both sides need to work together.
    Jan K recently posted..Walking the Other Beagle

  7. I love Amy’s title too. I find it really irritating when people assume your dog is friendly, just because it looks that way. Roxy hates little kids, I could never promise she wouldn’t nip at one. Torrey loves MOST people. I think she can sense the weirdos though because she has growled at some people for no apparent reason. I really like when adults, and especially kids, ask to pet the dogs. Then I can say no if I want to.
    Roxy the traveling dog recently posted..Artsy Fartsy Tuesday – Miriam Hughes

  8. Ahhh great post! My dog is one that needs “his space”. He is still unsure of humans but we’re working on it. However, I don’t allow anyone to pet him regardless. Only my family and those at the vets office. Any dog can snap out of the blue. I prefer to be on the overly cautious side of this as my boy is a pit bull and already misjudged. However, you’d be amazed at those who want to pet him. I simply say “He’s in training. Sorry”. I think the ribbon could be a good idea but non dog owners or those who simply have not clue, may think it’s a skin cancer ribbon :/ or simply be oblivious. People just need to learn, never approach and dog and pet. Ask or simply keep your distance imo.

    Again, great post!
    Bren (Pibbles & Me) recently posted..Food Tips That Can Add Years to Their Life

  9. You are preaching to the choir, Sister! I see so many people approach our dogs in inappropriate ways. One of them almost ended up with her face in Morgan’s mouth. I try to do a lot of educating of people when they approach us, but it’s a lot harder now that common sense is dying!
    houndstooth recently posted..The Battle For Couch Occupation

  10. This! And “Is it ok if (my dog) says hi?”

    We’re *very* lucky that Huffle is not reactive in 99.9% of cases unless you can see he feels threatened by a rather large dog.

    Adults around here don’t seem to have the common sense of a poppyseed, they let their little kids who have never met him before run right up and grab at him, without even watching; they let their small dogs run wildly off leash and attack him. He’s never upset by any of these provocations but can you imagine a poor reactive dog getting pounced on? That’d be all kinds of awful.

    I’ve found it’s so helpful to alert ahead of time to people we’d like to approach because he really likes to say hello to other dogs but I don’t want to be that jerk who just lets their big dog loom over their possibly terrified or wound up dog. If only more people would clue in.
    DogMama recently posted..Scaling Mt. Huffle

  11. One of the joys of having a Pit/Lab mix was that pretty much no one came up to pet him without asking first. At the same time, it was a bit of a shame, because Smokey was the sweetest dogs around and LOVED children. (More often than not, it would be me seeing the kid want to pet Smokey and the parent holding them back. I would have him sit and ask the parent if their child wanted to pet him.)
    At the same time, we had our Aussie, Moree, who was VERY on leash aggressive, and yet, because he was fuzzy and cute, people thought they could just walk up and pet him. If one of my dogs was going to bite you, it wasn’t going to be the Pit mix.

    Of course, now we have Old Man Howie who walks up to people looking for pets, but still occasionally snaps. So we always make sure to warn people to avoid his head. And so far, so good.

    I am glad that Jezebel addressed the Yellow Dog Project, though, because it’s a great tool that up until this point, I’ve only ever seen preached to the choir- on dog blogs or an ad for the local dog show. It won’t do anyone any good if no one knows about it, and at Jezebel has reach outside the dog community.
    shanendoah@life by pets recently posted..The Hard Part of Being a “Dog” Person

    • Yet another example of how you can’t judge a book by its cover. Always dangerous to assume, as my mom used to say, since it just makes an a@@ out of me & you!

      And I agree – the more exposure the better!

  12. I will admit, I am one of those people who don’t often ask (social phobias, it’s easier for me to greet dog than person) – BUT, and this is a really big but (those of you giggling in the back there, shh!) I have my own way of “asking”.

    If I see a dog I want to pet, my usual course of action is to approach within a few feet, and my “petting hand” gets moved, curled with the back facing the dog, just a few inches away from my side. I have yet to meet a dog that does not recognize this signal. Because I am that weird animal lady who wins the affections of even those dogs who “don’t like strangers”, almost without fail, dog will come right over and shove nose, head, or whatever else is convenient RIGHT under that hand.

    Because I am terrified of saying hellp to people. And I am a dirty rotten cheater. 😉 It’s also great for getting conversations started, because they’re easier if the OTHER person talks first. When the owner looks all surprised and says “well it’s nice to see another dog person!” you’re in. LOL
    Karyl Cunningham recently posted..Brief lesson on fear avoidance

  13. Amen to this!

    I don’t even have “yellow” dogs (re people, one yellow dog re other dogs, though), and it STILL drives me bananas when people don’t ask. Or they say “is he friendly?” as they’re already touching him. Maybe I don’t want to socialize. Maybe I just want to walk in peace. Maybe I want to reinforce my training and keep them calm/sitting before you load on the affection. Lots of maybes. Like it’s been said, maybe people need to pull their heads out of their behinds.

    Don’t even get me started on the “are they friendly?” as their dog starts dragging them towards me.
    Jen K recently posted..Monday Mischief, 11th edition

  14. I’m indifferent to the Yellow Dog Project since 99% of the public will never know or care to know what it means. I don’t know how many time Jersey has been “mauled” in high traffic places, usually while my head is turned, usually by little kids with their parents happily looking on. It’s really quite annoying.

    I had to take Jersey to a few outdoor craft shows when Sean was working in California. She would play with the customers for a few hours, but after awhile she wanted to have a nap. I would set her chair up in a corner of my tent and put a big yellow sign with the words “PLEASE DON’T PET ME. I AM SLEEPING” right on the back of the chair. *maybe* 1 person out of 10 read that screaming yellow sign and left her alone. If people that I assume can read, don’t pay attention to a sign, how are the general public going to interpret a yellow ribbon tied to a leash?
    Karen Friesecke recently posted..Dog A Day Project – Tip Toe Thru The Tulips

  15. I like Amy’s title better too. One day I just know I’m going to snap and say to someone, “Bend over, I’ll help you pull your head out of your ass.”

    I won’t read the Jezebel article because I’m sure it would piss me off and I don’t want to be pissed off today.

    I do think we need an animal education program in schools, start with the children and it will trickle up. You will see big changes in how animals are treated.

    Great post!!
    Jodi recently posted..Lessons of Love

  16. THANK YOU for this post! The “cranky-ass” comment rubbed me the wrong way too. Not all yellow ribboned dogs are cranky, some are fearful of children or all people, some are deaf or blind, therefore easily startled, some are healing from an injury or illness and need to not get too excited, etc.
    Although I do like the concept of the yellow ribbon and it would be nice if it became a universal symbol.
    Stacy and Ellie recently posted..Surprise delivery and Ellie update

  17. I heard about that project last year. Sounds like a good idea but so many people haven’t heard of it that they wouldn’t know what the yellow ribbons meant. No matter how much PR this campaign was given, irresponsible dog owners would never get the message…and those are the ones approaching dogs without asking.
    Jessica@YouDidWhatWithYourWeiner recently posted..WW #69 – You’re On To US

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