New career option: Lion cub swim teacher/towel bearer

The new lion cubs at the National Zoo must take a swim test before they’re allowed to be in the enclosure with the other lions. That test happened today. (Spoiler alert: It was adorable. Second spoiler alert: They all passed.)

I have to be honest with you… I am mesmerized by this video.. (Also, please note pattern on the towel lady’s shirt at 3:10. It’s delightful.)

Cub #2 was having none of it, am I right? She must be related to Tavish.

via giphy.com

 

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It’s a hard blog life, for us…

Instead of posting, I just sit. Instead of writing, my brain just quits. It’s a hard blog life.

Friends, it’s been too long. I wish I could tell you that I’ve been productive during my unintentional blogging hiatus.

via giphy.com

However, while I did manage to take a real vacation (woohoo!) and attend a surprise anniversary party for my in-laws, I can’t say that I’ve been a paragon of productivity. (Although I do have a few canine capers to share with you in the coming weeks.) Continue reading

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Nic Cage’s Easter advice: Put the bunny idea back in the box

Blog the Change

Okay, users of the Internet… it’s time for some real talk. I know that Easter is right around the corner. Your head is filled with visions of adorable bunnies (or chicks and ducks, depending on what your particular brand of cute catnip is – the post below is applicable to all categories). You’re tempted to bring one home.

I get it. They’re cute. They’re cuddly. They win first prize every single year in the Cutest Way to Eat Lettuce Contest.

via giphy.com

As the proud aunt to several bunny nieces and nephews, I’m not immune to their charms. However, I’m going to give it to you straight. If you’re thinking of bringing home a baby bunny for Easter, stop.

Continue reading

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If I’m ever in charge of math, we’re all in big trouble

On Monday, I told you about the blog’s upcoming birthday, and how I’d almost forgotten about it. Today, I realized that not only did I almost forget the blog’s birthday… I also prematurely pushed it into middle age.

Remember how I said that the blog was turning five?

Um, yeah. This thing started on April 9, 2010. That was only four years ago. I always knew that math wasn’t my strong suit, but apparently basic counting is out of my depth as well.

It’s like that whole 500th post fiasco all over again.

That’s it. I’m not allowed to do math anymore without a chaperone. I can’t be trusted.

Dog math via wantmorepuppies.com

I should have seen this coming when I hired a dog to handle the books. (That’s not even a ledger – it’s a bunch of Mad Libs.)

As a result, I’m also afraid to ever acknowledge a milestone on the blog again. It’s my own special brand of PTSD (Poorly Trumpeting Stuff Disorder).

I really can’t believe it happened again. Um… so how about we return to your regularly scheduled installment of Caption this Dog (see photo above) and pretend this whole thing never happened?

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How is this blog like Molly Ringwald?

(Before you get too excited, the answer is not that my blog spent a Saturday morning in detention leading to romance with a young Judd Nelson.)

You might have noticed that it’s been quiet around here lately.

I’m not quite sure why, but I’ve been suffering from an epic case of writer’s block. When I can convince myself to sit down in front of the laptop (which is a challenge in and of itself), I can’t seem to find the motivation to write a post.  Continue reading

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How much is that doggie falling out of the car window?

Once upon a time, I was not aware of the many options for restraining your dog in the car. In fact, the idea of getting a seatbelt or other restraint for Bella never even crossed my mind.

(Hey, back in the day people didn’t even use car seats for their kids. A friend’s mom once told me that she brought her infant son home from the hospital in a drawer. Like an actual drawer removed from a dresser. Strapped into a car. With a baby inside. It was a different time. I bet if you told people in the ’70s that the future would include seat belts for dogs, they’d have laughed you out of the room.)

Anyway, when I was a kid, we never restrained our dogs in the car. Our Chihuahua rode in my mom’s lap, while my Toy Fox Terrier rode with my sister and me in the backseat. Maybe on the seat itself, maybe on the floor… wherever she decided to nest. Sometimes our Chihuahua would even take a nap in the back window. I even remember taking a trip in my parents’ Datsun – the back seats were folded down, creating a giant playpen for me and one of our bigger dogs. (Needless to say, we were lucky that the years passed without incident.)

When we adopted Bella in 2002, it didn’t even occur to me to restrain her in the car. We took a few local trips, which went as well as possible considering that she managed to get carsick on all of them. Then, we piled into the car to go visit my parents. That’s when it all went downhill…

We were driving down the interstate in my oh-so-stylish Dodge Neon – a fetching gold color, no less – when the following scene ensued…

Bella in Window via wantmorepuppies.com

Bella decided that she really needed to see what was happening outside. Not only did she need to see it, but she needed to see it from the back window. So, our not-so-graceful pup decided to scale the backseat like a mountain range.

As she scrambled her way up the face of Mount Backseat, the humans in the car began to panic. We were barreling down the highway at sixty-five miles per hour while our new dog decided to perform her own stunts. Surely, this would not end well.

And it didn’t. After grabbing at the edge of the window as if she was Wile E. Coyote hanging on to a cliff, she eventually plummeted towards the back seat. Like so…

Bella proving the theory of gravity via wantmorepuppies.com

By this time, we’d managed to find a place to pull over and assess the damage. Luckily, no Bellas were harmed in the making of this anecdote (although my nerves were).

We purchased a canine seat belt shortly thereafter. (To learn more about securing your dog in the car, click here.)

So, tell me… have your dogs ever pulled any crazy stunts in the car?

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Trend report: What’s the hottest new clothing brand for dogs?

It’s probably an April Fool’s joke, but I’d totally shop at a store called American Beagle Outfitters. I make it a personal goal to patronize pun-loving establishments.

While we’re at it, I demand punny versions of other clothing stores. Coming soon to a mall near you (if I get my way):

  • Labercrombie & Bitch
  • Barneys Mew York
  • Sheddie Bower
  • Groomingdale’s
  • J. Mew
  • Johnston and Purrphy
  • Neiman Barkus

Are you listening, American Eagle? I have a feeling that American Beagle Outfitters would actually turn out to be pretty profitable. Have you realized how many crazy dog people are out there? (Present company included, of course.)

someecards.com - Having a pet is the reason I only spend 97% of the day thinking about myself.

via someecards.com

Get on it, AE… blaze that trail and usher in a new era of punny pet apparel stores.

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