We live in a society. And in a society? There are rules.
I’m woman enough to admit that I don’t know it all. As a dog-having person living in a neighborhood, who can I turn to advice? How will I find out the social norms and expectations of my community so that I don’t end up cast out to survive on my own in the wild with nothing but my sixteen-pound dog for warmth?
Enter the neighborhood Facebook page.
Have you ever made the
mistake decision to join your neighborhood’s Facebook page? (I assume that this is a common thing. I can’t imagine my neighborhood is full of social media trailblazers, after all.) Don’t get me wrong – there’s occasionally something useful or entertaining on there.
However, I’ve attempted to decipher the suggested “rules” of my community as they apply to those with pets, and here’s what I’ve gathered so far:
- Pick up your dog’s poop. (Okay, we’re off to a good start.)
- Leaving piles of poop on top of snow piles is not cool. (No pun intended.)
- It would be awesome if people would use a pet-friendly ice melt.
- Make your dog do his business on the strip between the sidewalk and curb, rather than on anyone’s lawn.
- Actually, don’t let him do it on just any strip of grass. Find some that are out of the way (preferably on another dimensional plane where no one in the neighborhood might ever walk).
- Don’t just drop your poop bag in the neighbor’s trashcan. Take it to your own.
- Except for a few people, who really want us all to know that they’re cool if you drop it in their trashcan, because that’s what trashcans are for. (These are the people who are just happy you’re bothering to clean it up at all.)
- Obey the leash laws. (Amen to the person that wrote this one.)
- However, if you remind people to pick up the poop and obey the leash laws, you need to get a life. (Ah, neighborly love.)
- Everyone will pitch in to help find lost dogs and cats, which is nice. (People will also help you find a lost drone, just FYI.)
- Somehow, the same dog will end up being lost every other week (which is not as nice, although everyone is too nice to simply reply “Again? WTF” even after said dog ends up being picked up by Animal Control more than once).
- For real, that dog is missing All. The. Time.
- Those same people also seem to lose their cat a lot. They’re like the Bermuda Triangle of pet owners.
- Also, apparently everyone (or at least more of the everyones that I would have expected) lets their cats just wander around the ‘hood and then asks us to help find the cats that they somehow lost this way. (Where’s Miss Marple when we need her? Mysteries abound!)
- There’s a local seven-year-old kid who’d love to walk/sit your cats and dogs. Supervised, of course. (I’m not sure that makes me feel any better.)
- Deer and raccoons in the neighborhood, yo.
- Someone saw a fox in the neighborhood. Be very worried.
- Or don’t be worried.
- Or actually do be really, really worried.
- Also, some of that poop discussed extensively elsewhere might really be from the foxes. (So… take that?)
- Dude, there might be coyotes roaming the neighborhood. (Apparently it’s Wild Kingdom up in this joint.)
- Don’t attempt to feed, corner, or otherwise approach a bear. (Can’t really argue with that one.)
Amazingly, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I could write you a novel about how people need to slow down and whether we should advocate for speed bumps or more stop signs and how people need to landscape their sidewalks and…
Anyway… have you ever encountered an “interesting” discussion on your neighborhood’s Facebook page?