5 bad jokes to tell your dog

I warn you – the jokes below might make you giggle, but they’ll probably make your dog (and possibly any other people around you) groan. Potential for groaning increases exponentially in relation to the number of times you tell said joke.

However, they might make you giggle every time. That’s what counts, right? Continue reading

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I love my dead gay dog

Bonus points if you know the inspiration for this post title. If you do, we were so meant to be besties. (For double bonus points, do you know which TV show also referenced that movie recently? It’s a good show. Add it to your DVR.)

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. Today, I read a story that left my eye twitching with barely controlled rage.  Prepare to experience a similar ocular fury… this story manages to hit multiple rage buttons at the same time.

(Before we dive in, I want to let you know that the story has a happy ending. That fact may keep your despair at bay, although it likely won’t dampen your anger.)

So, there’s this guy – let’s call him Moron – who thought he saw his male dog trying to hump another male dog. When confronted with this situation, what would you do? Continue reading

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Interior de-whine: 7 tips for a pet-unfriendly home

Welcome back, students. In our last session, I taught you how to be a highly irritating dog walker. I’m glad to see that you refuse to stop there. I can tell that you love to learn. Or that you just love to be annoying. Either way, you’re in luck. It’s time for another free lesson.

Today’s topic? Creating a pet-unfriendly home. I know I’ve read a ton of articles about pet-friendly decor. It seems like the discussion has been a bit one-sided thus far, however. Where is the advice for people who don’t want to create a pet-friendly home? Won’t anyone help those who want to make their homes as unsuited to living with a pet as possible?

Never fear. Today, I am unleashing (pun intended and also a lesson from our first seminar) my inner Vern Yip (no pun needed). There’s no reason you should sacrifice your style for your pets. Make them accommodate you instead. Continue reading

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The 7 habits of highly irritating dog walkers

Do you want to be an irritating dog walker? The kind that others see on the street and are immediately annoyed by? If so, today is your lucky day!

For one day only, I’m offering a free primer on how to be an annoying dog walker. By employing these seven simple tips, you too can be the bane of your neighborhood! (Keep in mind, to really be the most irritating person on the block, you should use all of these tips in combination with each other. One or two just won’t be effective enough.)

Before we start, I’d like to introduce you to today’s instructor: Continue reading

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Dogs in hot cars: when will it stop?

Seriously… what is it going to take?  I dream of the summer when I won’t end up writing a post about the tragic tale of a dog left in a hot car to bake.  I use that term for a reason – on a hot day, you can actually bake cookies in a car.  Think about that for a moment.

You can bake cookies.

Would you put your dog in an oven while you whip up a batch of chocolate chip cookies?  That’s exactly what you’re doing if you leave your dog in a hot car.  Yet every summer, many people do just that.

I can’t sugarcoat this one for you – leaving your dog in a hot car is like giving him a death sentence.  So for the love of whatever it is you believe in… don’t do it.  Spread the word so that others don’t do it.  Please.

My Dog Is Cool
Today’s tale of woe comes from Loudoun County in Virginia.  (Thanks to my fellow dog lover Hey Love Designs for the tip.)  I admit, this story has a bit of a twist.  I warn you… you’re going to get angry.  Really angry at a whole bunch of people.  I am.  (Though you probably already figured that out.)  Allow me to set the stage…

A man goes to a party.  He gets in his car, leaves the party and decides, as many do, to stop for food before heading home.  He goes inside the restaurant, leaving his dog in the car.  He then falls asleep at the restaurant.  The manager calls the police, who then arrest him for drunk in public.

Point of anger #1 – If this man was drunk, why was he driving to IHOP in the first place?

Point of anger #2 – If this man was drunk, he was endangering himself, other people on the road, and his own dog (the helpless passenger).  I’ll reserve my commentary on this specific point of anger for another day, but I thought it was worth noting.

Point of anger #3 – The man left his dog in the car while he went to the IHOP.  I realize it was dark out, but I’m not really a fan of the idea of leaving your dog alone in a car for an extended period of time in any event.  You never know when you’ll be delayed and then your dog will be trapped and helpless, at the mercy of the weather and passersby.  (I recognize that others may have different opinions here – that’s just mine.)

The man was arrested in the early hours of the morning, around 5:15 A.M.  He allegedly told the cops that his dog was still in the car, and they allegedly told him not to worry about it.  He was taken to the county jail, where he allegedly begged the cops to help his dog, who was no doubt baking in the unattended vehicle.

Point of anger #4 – Really?  I mean… really?  Would the police (allegedly) have ignored the man’s pleas if he’d left a child in that car instead of his dog?  Did none of the officers have a heart?

Point of anger #5 – Did this man get a phone call?  If so, then why didn’t he call someone to go rescue his dog?  If not, then why?

I’m sure you can already guess the sad ending to this story.  It was over 100 degrees that day.  The man was released from jail late that night.  He returned to the parking lot.  The dog had collapsed.  The man rushed the dog to the emergency vet, but it was too late.  Rex was dead.

Point of anger #6 – How many people must have been in the parking lot of that restaurant that day?  Did none of them (or the management/employees of the restaurant) notice or care about the dog slowly dying inside that oven?

Honestly, I can think of enough points of anger to fill a book right now.  My anger is mixed with a deep sadness about what has occurred.  Poor, innocent Rex.  My heart breaks for him.

Loudoun County Animal Control has launched an investigation, as has the Loudoun County Sheriff’s Department.  To follow this saga, you can visit the Justice for Rex Facebook page.

Each time I read one of these tragic stories, I find myself rapidly transforming into a female version of the Incredible Hulk.  Right now, I’d really like to Hulk smash pretty much every terrible person involved in the story above.  You can find more information about the dangers of hot cars in my earlier posts:

You can also visit MyDogisCool.com for more info.  Please spread the word so that we can prevent needless tragedies like this one.
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Horrible woman does terrible thing… and now I’m angry

We’ve touched on the issue of pet safety in the summer before.  I don’t understand how people still don’t get it.  I mean, it’s a really simple concept:  DON’T LEAVE YOUR DOG IN A HOT CAR.  Although you’d think this would be easy to grasp, apparently it’s too advanced for some people.  Some thoughtless, terrible people.

You may be wondering why I’m so worked up about this today. I just read a story that made me so angry that I wanted to punch something… in particular, the woman in the story.

The headline says it all:  “Woman finds dog dead in her sweltering car outside Costco, returns pet supplies.”  (There’s a link to a segment aired by a local news outlet in that article, but I couldn’t bring myself to watch it.  The woman has been charged with cruelty.)

Seriously?  It’s been hot for weeks in the DC area… temperatures have been consistently in the nineties, and sometimes even higher.  Yet this woman thought it would be okay to leave her poor dog, Delta, locked in a car?  It was 104 degrees outside.  While shopping at Costco, she left Delta in an oven for an hour and fifteen minutes.  Then, when she returned and realized that she had killed Delta, she RETURNED THE PET SUPPLIES she had just purchased.  I can think of many words to describe this woman right now, none of which are PG-13.  (Don’t even get me started on the comments by her estranged husband in this article.  Waterworks initiated.  That poor man.)

I’m so angry I can’t even type anymore.  (League of Angry Gentlemen – I expect an equally angry post from you about this pathetic excuse for a person.  Update: The Angry Gentlemen answered the call.  When you want anger done right, go to a professional.)

Tuesday Tag-AlongI know I’m probably preaching to the choir here.  (In fact, several bloggers called attention to this issue last week during Blog the Change.)  In honor of poor Delta and other dogs who have suffered this fate, I encourage anyone who reads this post to promote pet safety today by linking to MyDogIsCool.com on their site.  It’s unacceptable that any dog should have to die because a careless person traps them in a hot car.
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