Nic Cage’s Easter advice: Put the bunny idea back in the box

Blog the Change

Okay, users of the Internet… it’s time for some real talk. I know that Easter is right around the corner. Your head is filled with visions of adorable bunnies (or chicks and ducks, depending on what your particular brand of cute catnip is – the post below is applicable to all categories). You’re tempted to bring one home.

I get it. They’re cute. They’re cuddly. They win first prize every single year in the Cutest Way to Eat Lettuce Contest.

via giphy.com

As the proud aunt to several bunny nieces and nephews, I’m not immune to their charms. However, I’m going to give it to you straight. If you’re thinking of bringing home a baby bunny for Easter, stop.

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5 bad jokes to tell your dog

I warn you – the jokes below might make you giggle, but they’ll probably make your dog (and possibly any other people around you) groan. Potential for groaning increases exponentially in relation to the number of times you tell said joke.

However, they might make you giggle every time. That’s what counts, right? Continue reading

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You know you’re a crazy dog lady when…

Sometimes, I almost forget that I’m a crazy dog lady.

Almost.

Then, something happens that reminds me just how nutty I truly am. This past Friday, I received one of those reminders when I took Tavish to a new groomer. We had the first appointment of the day, so I got up early, tossed on a sweater, and loaded Tavish in the car. It was only after the groomer pointed it out that I realized there was a siimilarity between our respective ensembles.

Not Tavish the fox

Tavish the fox

 

That’s right. I inadvertently dressed like my dog. I went out in public that way.

I met new people who surely think I’m not quite right in the head, including Tavish’s new groomer. (Between the outfits and my overly detailed instructions, she probably made some sort of notation in our file.)

Crazy dog lady achievement unlocked. I’ve totally leveled up.

(Oh, and this experience has given me some insight into what the fox says. I think the fox would tell me to be thankful that Tavish is a dog – rather than a child – who doesn’t realize that he should be totally embarrassed to be seen in public with me.)

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Are dogs furry kids?

I (somewhat) recently read a piece from Smithsonian Magazine that posed the following question: Are Dogs Now Just Furry Kids? I figured it would be your typical article about how people spend a lot on their dogs, dress them up, and do crazy things like blog about them.

I was wrong.

Instead, it was all science-y and stuff. Researchers have found that the human-dog bond is in some ways very similar to a parent-child bond.

Now, I’m not one who considers myself a mom to my pups (I don’t really know what word I’d use), but I thought I’d do my own non-scientific analysis as to whether dogs are simply furry children. (Being an English major, my “scientific analysis” is really just an imaginary debate I had in my own head. Just roll with it, okay?)

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The right way to ask people when they plan to have kids

Okay, students. Professor Judge E. Dog is back today with another useful lesson. You may have friends or family members who seem stubbornly unwilling to shout their reproductive plans from the rooftops. When interrogated asked, they give “cute” answers such as “When we’re ready, we’ll let you know” or “I just want more puppies.”

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. There are countless articles out there advising people how to evade your questions and hide this important information. These devious masterminds have a host of skillful dodges at their disposal. What’s a Nosy Parker to do? It’s just not fair. You’re just embracing your inner Mary Worth. Where are the tips about the right way to ask this question? (Here. Those tips are here.) Continue reading

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Do you have to choose between having a dog and having kids?

No.

*declares post completecloses laptop, goes to the kitchen, eats a cookie in celebration of a job well done, eats a second cookie in celebration of how good that first cookie was, reconsiders answer, returns to computer*

Here’s the thing. The answer is really that simple… and yet, it’s not. All at the same time. Allow me to explain.

I don’t believe that “you” (in the broadest sense) have to choose between kids and dogs. I don’t think it’s a zero sum game. At the same time, do “you” (in the narrowest possible sense) have to choose between kids and dogs? I can’t answer that one. However, I have thoughts. Lots of them. Continue reading

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7 dogs you might not want to invite to your summer barbecue

Memorial Day weekend is almost here. It’s time to dust off the patio furniture, call up a few friends, and fire up the grill. It can be hard to decide who to invite, so here are seven dogs you might want to “accidentally” leave off the guest list…

The dog who who tells everyone that he can grill better than you.

Dinner Time

via Flickr user Extra Zebra

source | terms

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Repeat after me: “Hello. May I pet your dog?”

I happen to be a Jezebel reader. I may not always agree, but they almost always get me thinking. Today’s post is inspired by one of those thinking moments.

Recently, Jezebel published a post about the Yellow Dog Project. (Have you heard of it? It’s a pretty neat concept - for dogs that need space, owners tie a yellow ribbon around the dog’s leash or collar to signal to others that they should not approach the dog without asking. It’s as if the dog is wearing a caution sign.)

The post was actually rather complimentary about the Yellow Dog Project, but there was something about it that kind of stuck in my craw.

(As an aside, what exactly is a craw? Do I actually have one or is it just a figure of speech? Sounds like I’ve found my next Google project.)

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Down with doorbells & beeping smoke detectors on TV!

Dear advertisers, marketers & others in charge of sounds on TV:

During a recent episode of Modern Family, there were no less than four doorbells in a single half hour of television. In my house, that translates to four instances of insane barking and general chaos. (One of these days, we’ll get over that doorbell mania.) I could barely get through the show.

Then, while I was watching the Oscars on Sunday, I saw a Hyundai commercial featuring the beeping of a dying smoke detector. (Apparently, this one has been around for a while, but I guess I have managed to skip over it until now. Thank you, DVR.) Luckily, Bella was upstairs at the time – nothing turns her into a neurotic mess faster than that beep. Tavish woke up, but then I muted it.

A tipster on Facebook mentioned that they read an article saying that marketers were including these sounds on purpose. The goal? To engage homes with dogs. Um, more like enrage. Or torture. At least in my house.

The video below is an extremely accurate depiction of how I feel every single time that Hyundai commercial comes on or there’s a doorbell on TV. (Don’t watch it where any dogs can hear it, okay?)

I used to assume that you just didn’t realize the chaos you were unleashing in my house. Now that I know your actions might just be premeditated, I’m feeling pretty grouchy. Be warned, advertisers. If you intentionally use these dog-annoying sounds in your commercial, I will remember your brands… but not in a good way.

Please. Make it stop.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Member of the Dog-Having Public

Readers, do these sounds cause chaos in your house? Do you also wish that advertisers would just cut it out? Let’s band together!

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I love my dead gay dog

Bonus points if you know the inspiration for this post title. If you do, we were so meant to be besties. (For double bonus points, do you know which TV show also referenced that movie recently? It’s a good show. Add it to your DVR.)

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. Today, I read a story that left my eye twitching with barely controlled rage.  Prepare to experience a similar ocular fury… this story manages to hit multiple rage buttons at the same time.

(Before we dive in, I want to let you know that the story has a happy ending. That fact may keep your despair at bay, although it likely won’t dampen your anger.)

So, there’s this guy – let’s call him Moron – who thought he saw his male dog trying to hump another male dog. When confronted with this situation, what would you do? Continue reading

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