(Alternate post title? What to expect when you’re deflecting.)
Stop me if you’ve heard this one…
Courtesy of my new webcomic – click to check it out!
I’m not going to ask for a show of hands, but I have a feeling plenty of us have been on the receiving end of this sort of comment. After all, there are people who think any plans for your uterus are fair game for conversation. (It’s called uterUS because we’re all in this together. As a society. Or something.) And obviously any and all choices you make in life are geared toward your eventual role as parent. (Ladies and their universal desire for babies, am I right?)
When you put those two together, the only conclusion is that you adopted a pet to practice your nurturing skills. Sort of a placeholder until you can fulfill your biological destiny – keep a plant and a pet alive, and then you’re obviously ready for parenthood.
I’m often at a loss regarding how to respond to this sort of nonsense. (Or I think of the perfect Jerk Store comeback later, a la George Constanza.) A withering stare is always appropriate. I’d also vote for a blunt and snarky comment about how rude this whole topic is. Or perhaps one of these?
“You’re right. Having a pet really has prepared me for parenthood. If crate and clicker training worked for Spike, it will work for a baby.”
“Not only am I getting some practice in, I also have a reliable vet and groomer already lined up for my baby.”
“Oh, crap. I think I did this backwards. I had a kid for a few years as practice for my pet, but I gave her up when I got the kitten. Wonder what happened to her.”
“So many good lessons. If my kid cries when I leave the room, I’ll just toss him a Kong filled with peanut butter to distract him.”
“I figure I should practice it all – so once Fluffy turns 18 and can finally move out, then I’ll be ready for kids.”
Picture it. A seemingly normal house on a quiet street. It could be any neighborhood. It could be your neighborhood. From the outside, it looks serene… but inside, a terrible injustice is taking place. Today, we shine a light on this hidden horror. Continue reading →
I took Tavish to the vet last month. While we were there, he got a nail trim. The vet tech asked me if he runs around a lot of corners, because his nails had worn in a slanted fashion.
I recently took him in for another nail trim, after which I was informed that the nails on one side of his body were also noticeably longer than on the other.
Apparently, my dog spends a lot of time revving himself up and sliding around corners like some sort of Hanna-Barbera cartoon come to life. I still can’t quite figure out why this has made him lopsided, however. We don’t have any one way signs in our house, so he’s free to take corners from any and all directions, after all.
Oh, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t leave this here, given recent events:
My maiden name is pretty common. So common, in fact, that I’ve often received emails (both personal and professional) for other ladies with the same name. I try to handle these graciously – telling the sender that they have the wrong person and suggesting they check that email address again.
Of late, I’ve been receiving email for two different people – one college student and one woman with children. (The latter illustrated by the various websites the woman’s child seems to sign up for.)
The most recent installment in this saga is a doozy. I received an email from who I assume to be the dad of the college student. I learned the following things: (1) he is writing her papers for her (there was an attachment as proof); (2) he informed her that “paper #3 you will have to write because your class has a mandatory attendance to the MLK convocation and paper #3 is on that”; and (3) he will provide her with highlighted journal articles that he has read when she comes home next time.
I mean… what does one do with an email like that? Even better, the attached paper was a “think paper” for an education class, in which the “author” claims that she will be able to help shape students to become better model citizens. She/he also notes that she will always take a stand for teaching right from wrong. Um…
Parenting: you’re doing it wrong.
Anyway, I told Tavish about this incident. In response (and thanks to the recommendation of a friend), Tavish decided to channel his inner Ryan Dogsling:
Once again, the time has come to engage in a little bit of omphaloskepsis. I’m still firmly in the anti-belly button camp, but I’ll try to gaze at my metaphorical navel without getting too grossed out.
Anyway, that’s a long-winded way of saying I’m participating in the annual Pet Blogger Challenge hosted by our friends at GoPetFriendly.com. Every year, the Pet Blogger Challenge gives us an opportunity to reflect on the past year and look forward – it’s a chance to deliver our own little State of the Blog address. Continue reading →