Nic Cage’s Easter advice: Put the bunny idea back in the box

Blog the Change

Okay, users of the Internet… it’s time for some real talk. I know that Easter is right around the corner. Your head is filled with visions of adorable bunnies (or chicks and ducks, depending on what your particular brand of cute catnip is – the post below is applicable to all categories). You’re tempted to bring one home.

I get it. They’re cute. They’re cuddly. They win first prize every single year in the Cutest Way to Eat Lettuce Contest.

via giphy.com

As the proud aunt to several bunny nieces and nephews, I’m not immune to their charms. However, I’m going to give it to you straight. If you’re thinking of bringing home a baby bunny for Easter, stop.

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How is this blog like Molly Ringwald?

(Before you get too excited, the answer is not that my blog spent a Saturday morning in detention leading to romance with a young Judd Nelson.)

You might have noticed that it’s been quiet around here lately.

I’m not quite sure why, but I’ve been suffering from an epic case of writer’s block. When I can convince myself to sit down in front of the laptop (which is a challenge in and of itself), I can’t seem to find the motivation to write a post.  Continue reading

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How much is that doggie falling out of the car window?

Once upon a time, I was not aware of the many options for restraining your dog in the car. In fact, the idea of getting a seatbelt or other restraint for Bella never even crossed my mind.

(Hey, back in the day people didn’t even use car seats for their kids. A friend’s mom once told me that she brought her infant son home from the hospital in a drawer. Like an actual drawer removed from a dresser. Strapped into a car. With a baby inside. It was a different time. I bet if you told people in the ’70s that the future would include seat belts for dogs, they’d have laughed you out of the room.)

Anyway, when I was a kid, we never restrained our dogs in the car. Our Chihuahua rode in my mom’s lap, while my Toy Fox Terrier rode with my sister and me in the backseat. Maybe on the seat itself, maybe on the floor… wherever she decided to nest. Sometimes our Chihuahua would even take a nap in the back window. I even remember taking a trip in my parents’ Datsun – the back seats were folded down, creating a giant playpen for me and one of our bigger dogs. (Needless to say, we were lucky that the years passed without incident.)

When we adopted Bella in 2002, it didn’t even occur to me to restrain her in the car. We took a few local trips, which went as well as possible considering that she managed to get carsick on all of them. Then, we piled into the car to go visit my parents. That’s when it all went downhill…

We were driving down the interstate in my oh-so-stylish Dodge Neon – a fetching gold color, no less – when the following scene ensued…

Bella in Window via wantmorepuppies.com

Bella decided that she really needed to see what was happening outside. Not only did she need to see it, but she needed to see it from the back window. So, our not-so-graceful pup decided to scale the backseat like a mountain range.

As she scrambled her way up the face of Mount Backseat, the humans in the car began to panic. We were barreling down the highway at sixty-five miles per hour while our new dog decided to perform her own stunts. Surely, this would not end well.

And it didn’t. After grabbing at the edge of the window as if she was Wile E. Coyote hanging on to a cliff, she eventually plummeted towards the back seat. Like so…

Bella proving the theory of gravity via wantmorepuppies.com

By this time, we’d managed to find a place to pull over and assess the damage. Luckily, no Bellas were harmed in the making of this anecdote (although my nerves were).

We purchased a canine seat belt shortly thereafter. (To learn more about securing your dog in the car, click here.)

So, tell me… have your dogs ever pulled any crazy stunts in the car?

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Forget the polar vortex – let’s talk about the Molar Vortex

In light of the recent weather event – affectionately* known as the polar vortex – I’ve made a decision.** In the summer of 2012, shortly after he joined our home, Tavish went in for a dental appointment. On that fateful day, he said farewell to eight teeth.*** In honor of those brave enamel soldiers**** that gave their lives that day, I hereby proclaim the great teeth pulling of 2012… the Molar Vortex.

It would also be a good name for what happened to this guy:

via giphy.com

Oh, Bumble.

Thank you for your time and attention to this matter.

*Affectionately? More like scornfully. Mournfully. I-wish-I-lived-somewhere-warm-fully. (I know, I know… that last one’s just a near rhyme. Call it poetic license. If you can do better, the floor is yours, Wordsworth.)

**I’ve also been plagued by the following cheer, inspired by one I heard in high school: “Brrrr. It’s cold in here! There must be a vortex in the atmosphere!”

***Life on the streets is rough, yo. (Or maybe life on the dirt roads? Those aren’t really streets.) There are no roving dentists offering free dental care to adorable homeless dogs making their way in the world today. It takes everything they’ve got. Taking a break from all their worries sure would help a lot. (Wouldn’t you like to get away… from me and my meandering thoughts? Probably.)

****Martika, I think we found your next big hit song. (I don’t know why I just decided that Martika is a regular reader, but how funny would it be if she was?)

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Canine Christmas carols, part deux

That’s right, I’m referencing a Charlie Sheen movie from 1993. What of it?

Anyway, it’s time for another caroldy installment. After all, caroldies are the reason for the season (or so I’ve heard). First, I’d like to share my new favorite caroldy, composed by Kristine from Rescued Insanity. She gave Wham’s Last Christmas the caroldy treatment, and it is amazing and awesome. Go read it.

(Wham!’s? How the heck do I make a band name ending in an exclamation point possessive? Oh, grammar gods, I need your help.)

via giphy.com

Up next, a few caroldies shared in the comments last weekContinue reading

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Canine Confession: I’m scared of falling in my water bowl!

It’s time to let you in on a little secret. I’m not entirely convinced that Tavish is a dog.

That’s right. I’ve long suspected that he’s actually a Mogwai. (For those of you who are not as nerdy and/or obsessed with pop culture – particularly of the 80s variety – as I am, a Mogwai is an adorable little thing that turns into a Gremlin if you aren’t careful.)  Continue reading

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Caption this dog: Strange bedfellows

Facts about today’s post: (1) Bella likes to snuggle with a flowerpot; (2) I wish she would snuggle with Tavish instead; and (3) I couldn’t decide whether to go with a Mannequin joke, or some sort of doggelganger thing.

(The latter just makes me think of the Vampire Diaries - eventually, all the roles will just be played by Paul Wesley and Nina Dobrev, right? That seems to be where we’re headed.They better keep Ian Sommerhalder around though – I think that the viewing public would heartily approve of some Damon doppelgangers* walking around.)

Anyway, moving on…

Mannequin: The Canine Remake

She’s starring in an all-canine remake of Mannequin.

Think you can beat my caption? Share yours in the comments!

* I could not figure out how to make an umlaut. Please take a pencil** and draw one*** on your screen.

** I’m recommending a pencil so that you can erase it when you’re done, lest you find yourself with a rogue umlaut permanently terrorizing your screen.

*** Don’t actually do that. Use your imagination, silly.

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Do you have any weird pet keepsakes?

So, I was organizing my file cabinet this weekend and stumbled upon this…

A canine souvenir: wantmorepuppies.com

The vet calls ‘em like he sees ‘em…

What exactly is this, you might wonder? Well, it just so happens to be a pellet that was removed from Bella not too long after we got her. I remember finding a bump on her stomach and asking the vet about it – he examined it and thought it was a pellet from a BB gun. (If I could find the idiots that did that to my Bella before we adopted her, they’d be in for a world of hurt.)

So, when she went in for a dental, the vet took the pellet out too. He then gave me the pellet in a bag marked “Bella Pellet.” Apparently, I then filed it away in my file cabinet with other papers from the vet. Kind of an odd souvenir, don’t you think?

Now it’s your turn to make me feel better. Surely I’m not the only one who has kept weird things related to her pets. (On Facebook, a few brave commenters admitted to keeping puppy teeth and cat hair clippings.) What sort of keepsakes have you kept?

(I realize that I may be the only one who is so Type A that she filed a pellet into the appropriate manilla folder in her file cabinet. However, if that’s something you would do, we should probably hang out and discuss our favorite organization apps, filing methods, and list-making techniques at a mutually-acceptable watering hole.)

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It’s the Great Pumpkin, Snarly Brown!

It’s time for some Friday linkage, Howloween style…

  1. First up, your punny pet names: Sheddy Krueger, Snarly Brown, Goosey VanPelt, and Peppermint Catty.
  2. Apparently, all movies are horror movies at heart. Who knew?
  3. So, what are you dressing up as this year? If you’re in need of an idea, might I recommend one of these options? (Whatever you do, just promise me you’re not going as a sexy antelope or sexy Marie Curie or anything like that. That’s right, I’m giving you the side eye, sexy giraffe and sexy fox.)
  4. Alternatively, you can’t go wrong with a red panda costume.
  5. Holy crap, you guys. Someone please start a blog where they do this when their dog takes naps.
  6. Speaking of dogs in costumes, I did enjoy these funny (and punny) ones.
  7. Don’t worry, cat lovers, I didn’t forget about you. Your felines can be sweet or salty this year. Your choice.
  8. Do you like pranks? *Insert disapproving Amy Poehler face here.*
  9. Anyway, Halloween is an excuse for culinary creativity. You could make these gummy spiders. Or you can just whip up a batch of Halloween sangria.

So wrong, yet so right:

In case you missed any of them, here are last week’s posts:

That’s all for now, pals. Any Howloween plans for the weekend?

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