Picture it. A seemingly normal house on a quiet street. It could be any neighborhood. It could be your neighborhood. From the outside, it looks serene… but inside, a terrible injustice is taking place. Today, we shine a light on this hidden horror.
In this house lives a small dog. He seems cool – always there with a lick or a bark, happy to snuggle. But in the wee hours of the morning, his true nature emerges. Long before any alarms go off, he awakens. He wants food. He wants to go outside. He wants this NOW.
So, he marches to the head of the bed and awakens The Food Lady. He licks her face. He hits her with his paws. He makes Chewbacca noises in her ear. Sometimes she relents and gets up. Other times, she desperately tries to hide under the covers until her alarm goes off. And yet…
One weekend, The Food Lady goes out of town, leaving the small dog with his other beloved companion, also known as “That Guy!” Saturday morning arrives, the sun rises, and the small dog sleeps on.
That Guy! gets up and goes downstairs to make coffee. The small dog sleeps.
That Guy! comes back upstairs to take a shower. The small dog sleeps.
Eventually, That Guy! wakes up the small dog and asks if he would like breakfast and to go outside. Considering this offer, the small dog lazily and leisurely assents, stretching and starting his day.
This pattern repeats the next morning. The small dog and That Guy! sleep in and no one is rudely awakened before they want to be.
The Food Lady returns and learns this news. She feels victimized, but hopeful. Perhaps the small dog has turned over a new leaf and will let her sleep?
Foolish, foolish woman. The next morning, her nightmare begins all over again…
In the interest of presenting a fair and balanced piece, we reached out to the small dog’s representatives, who assured us that he had a very good reason for this disparate treatment. They did not elaborate.
This story has caused a ripple effect throughout the community. In the wake of this controversy, canine interest groups have started using the hashtag #notalldogs and sharing stories of dogs who do not discriminate against their local Food Ladies. We’ll keep you posted as this story develops.