Adventures in Fur-tility: Pets as practice for children?

(Alternate post title? What to expect when you’re deflecting.)

Stop me if you’ve heard this one…

At the dog park |

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I’m not going to ask for a show of hands, but I have a feeling plenty of us have been on the receiving end of this sort of comment.  After all, there are people who think any plans for your uterus are fair game for conversation.  (It’s called uterUS because we’re all in this together. As a society. Or something.)  And obviously any and all choices you make in life are geared toward your eventual role as parent.  (Ladies and their universal desire for babies, am I right?)

When you put those two together, the only conclusion is that you adopted a pet to practice your nurturing skills.  Sort of a placeholder until you can fulfill your biological destiny – keep a plant and a pet alive, and then you’re obviously ready for parenthood.

I’m often at a loss regarding how to respond to this sort of nonsense. (Or I think of the perfect Jerk Store comeback later, a la George Constanza.) A withering stare is always appropriate.  I’d also vote for a blunt and snarky comment about how rude this whole topic is.  Or perhaps one of these?

  • “You’re right.  Having a pet really has prepared me for parenthood.  If crate and clicker training worked for Spike, it will work for a baby.”
  • “Not only am I getting some practice in, I also have a reliable vet and groomer already lined up for my baby.”
  • “Oh, crap.  I think I did this backwards. I had a kid for a few years as practice for my pet, but I gave her up when I got the kitten. Wonder what happened to her.”
  • “So many good lessons.  If my kid cries when I leave the room, I’ll just toss him a Kong filled with peanut butter to distract him.”
  • “I figure I should practice it all – so once Fluffy turns 18 and can finally move out, then I’ll be ready for kids.”
  • “How dare you!  That’s not a dog. It’s a kid wearing a designer faux fur bodysuit.”

Anyone have a good response to this question? Share yours in the comments!

(Don’t forget to swing by Biological Clockie and check out my new comic!  You can also follow along on Facebook and Twitter.)

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6 thoughts on “Adventures in Fur-tility: Pets as practice for children?

  1. Do people actually, in real life, say things like this?? I would be lost for words! I’ve already had two kids and the question I often get is ‘so when are you having another one?’ Ummm, I’m sorry, but does having kids mean I am now a baby machine whose only purpose in life is to pump out more babies?
    I just smile, say ‘I haven’t decided’ and walk away. Life’s too short 🙂
    Jo recently posted..Could Peanut Butter Kill Your Dog?

  2. How did I miss this before? Too funny. Love the reply about doing it backwards. My friend told me she had people say to her “Oh, you won’t love your dog the same once you have kids.” Luckily she had the good sense to tell them something to the effect of: “Yes, I will. Pretty sure your heart expands to accommodate all the love.” People. They say some stupid s&*t.
    Jackie Bouchard recently posted..Balancing to Build Up the Dog’s Confidence

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