Picture it. A seemingly normal house on a quiet street. It could be any neighborhood. It could be your neighborhood. From the outside, it looks serene… but inside, a terrible injustice is taking place. Today, we shine a light on this hidden horror. Continue reading
Did you see the story about the runaway llamas?
The story was blowing up Twitter, of course. I imagine that office productivity was way down this afternoon, but office worker morale was probably way up. Seems like a fair tradeoff. Happy minions are useful minions, after all.
That being said, we all know that there is going to be an attempt by various news outlets and Interwebz pundits to write some clever headlines and comments about this high-steed chase. (It’s gold, Jerry. Gold.) Some of those attempts will be more successful than others, no doubt.
In addition, many puns will be taken quickly, and it will become challenging to think of new ones.
Accordingly, I feel that it’s my part as a lover of puns to provide these brave souls with some headline options. You are welcome to these, llama fans. (Though how about a shoutout to your girl over here?)
Without further ado:
- Llama nightmare dressed like a daydream
- The Llamazing Chase
- Llama splice
- Save the drama for your llama
- Llamas on prime
- Llama be, llama be, llama llama llama be
- Llama said knock you out
- Llama llama llama chameleon
- Llamatic irony
- Llama told me (not to run)
- Llama believer
- Llamalready gone
- Llama do my thang
- Who gives an F about an Oxford llama?
- Llama he’s crazy
- Llamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys
- Llama’s broken heart
- Llama sutra
- She’s a bad llama jama
- Llama mia!
- Llamall about that chase
- Llama gonna get you sucka
- If llama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy
- Llama just leave this here
- Llama going to Disney World
- Futur-llama: Good news, everyone!
- Llama keep going to the river to pray
- The llamaculate reception
- Llamada Inn
- Llamall dressed up & nowhere to go
- Llamigration reform
- Llamaican me crazy
I’m spent… but I do it all for you.
Last night, I was watching TV (a rerun of The Mindy Project, if you must know – seriously, though… how great is The Mindy Project?). My local news ran a preview during one of the commercial breaks, as is wont to happen.
In the span of thirty seconds, they delivered one of those “X happened – and you won’t believe what happened next!” headlines. So… basically, it felt like I was watching some sort of Upworthy network. (Maybe they just used this handy headline generator?)
Listen, I know that this sort of sensationalized teaser is nothing new.
(Fun fact: I still say “is it peas?” on what seems to be a weekly basis.)
However, cramming two of those similarly constructed headlines into one short preview was more than I could bear. It was (almost) as bad as the time that I saw this on the Huffington Post:
You can’t put emoticons in your headlines. You just can’t, HuffPo. Get it together.
Anyway… today’s post is inspired by the Judgy Bear stare and epic amounts of shade I directed at my television last night. In an attempt to make the best of a dumb situation, I present to you… Dogworthy headlines. Just imagine them being delivered to you by Walter Cronkbite, Dan Cather, or Barbara Pawlters:
- Fido sniffed a fire hydrant – you won’t believe what happened when he tried to pee on it.
- I used to hate going to the vet. Then I saw this powerful video by a celebrity dog.
- Some call it bath time. We call it freedom’s worst enemy.
- This dog’s family named him Rover. Then they found out just how fitting that name was.
- You will shudder when you see what this Corgi’s person made him wear.
- A flea bit Fifi on the leg. It ended up changing her life for the better.
- Peanut thought that finally catching her tail would solve all of her problems. If only she’d known what would really happen.
- You never thought a cat could inspire a dog. This video will change your mind.
You’re welcome, canine journalists. I’m totally helping you take it to the next level. Instant click bait. It’s the human equivalent of “squirrel!”
I’m seriously tempted to start using Dogworthy titles on all of my posts, just to see what happens. I’ll try to resist. If I cave in, I promise to give myself a Judgy Bear Stare in the mirror every now and then. You have my word.